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May 2, 2014    |      Comments Off on Mile Marker Moments…

Mile Marker Moments…

If you pause and think  about critical moments in your life, there will always be three elements that can be Mile_Marker_747remembered.

By critical moments… I mean the kind of moments that tend to alter the direction of your life.  They leave a brand, a scar, or a wound that struggles to heal.  Or, these critical moments could be ones that were permanently positive. Positive like a tattoo you chose that will never go away. Positive critical moments like the memory of your children being born, or your wedding day, or the day that Jesus became your Lord and Savior.

Make no mistake about it, when I am referring to Mile Marker Moments, you will not have to wonder if the memory you have is a Mile Marker one or not.  You just know.  Mile Markers are huge and this is why they come to mind on a regular basis.  They altered the direction of your life.

Mile Markers are never forgotten.

The point is…these are critical moments.  These critical moments are significant enough that even years after the Mile Marker Moment has happened, we can be going about our day and have something small happen that causes the Memory of the Mile Marker Moment to flood back to our minds, and bring on waves of emotions that causes us to remember it, as if it happened yesterday.

My point is that I believe the best kind of learning is what I call reflective learning.  Reflecting back over your Mile Marker Moment Memories and learning from them.

The best way to learn from these huge mile marker moments in our lives is to reflect on the three elements that are always a part of the critical Mile Marker moment.

In each of your Mile Marker Moments there is/was…

1.  A Key Person.

2.  A Key Place.

3. A Key Moment.

Think about the Mile Marker that is branded or tattooed on your life. Who was the key person? Where was the key place?  What was the key moment?

Now Reflect.

Be still. Think about the elements.  What happened?  If faced with the Moment again, how might I do things differently.  Could I have prevented it, made it better, or ?

There are two kinds of Mile Marker Moments.

1. Joyful Mile Markers.

2. Hurtful Mile Markers.

When you reflect on the Joyful Mile Marker Moments, they  will give you great joy!  They can pull you out of a depression.  Use this positive reflection time to communicate with the Key Person, whom you created that Mile Marker Moment with, and thank them and tell them you are grateful for them.  Tell them that you love them…for if they created such a joyful Mile Marker in your life…you really will love them.

The Chosen Positive Mile Marker Moments are easy to deal with.  They bring you joy.  Reflect on them.  Learn from them.  Repeat them as often as you can.

The Mile Marker Moments that you did NOT choose and have left you hurt and angry.  These are the tough ones to reflect on.  When you do reflect upon these…you are going to discover whether or not you have healed from them.  If the pain of the event comes rushing back in and you find yourself angry, then the reality is, you have not healed from that Mile Marker Moment yet.

You may have forgiven the Key person, The Key Place, and the Key Moment, in this Mile marker at one point in your past,  but the healing is still in process and you may have to re-forgive as you reflect and deal with the emotion of the Mile Marker once again.  The pain resurfacing, is an alert to your heart and soul, warning you to work through the process of forgiveness again.  And again, if necessary.

The point is to be able to reflect on the Mile Marker Moment and the Key Person, Key Place and Key Moment, without any pain.  The goal is to be able to reflect without bitterness and hurt.  The goal is to have that Mile Marker Moment lead you into greater wisdom, experience, and preparedness for the future Key People, Key Places and Key Moments you will undoubtedly encounter again.

As you reflect on these Mile Marker Moments,  and if you find yourself feeling angry and swirling into your dark place, that dark place you went to soon after the negative Mile Marker Moment happened…You know that dark place I”m talking about.  If you find yourself headed there and not wanting to forgive again…then…

I want to remind you, like I have to remind myself.  God is our rock.  God tells us who we are.  God owns vengeance, not me…not you.

Don’t let Mile Markers define you, use them to refine you.

As you reflect on your Mile Marker Moments and if you possibly find yourself swimming in un-forgiveness again.  I want to challenge you to get humble and remember the times in your life where you sinned and hurt other people…thus becoming someone’s Key Person in their hurtful Mile Marker Moment.

Ask yourself, “Did Jesus die for my sin, so that I could be forgiven for it?  The Answer is always, “Yes.”  Once you acknowledge that Jesus died so you could be forgiven of the sins you committed, then ask yourself, “Did Jesus die, so the sins of the  hurtful Key Person in my Mile Marker Moment, could be forgiven too?  The Answer is always, “Yes.”

Jesus died for my sins that hurt others and the sins of those who hurt me.

I must forgive too.

Mile Marker Moment Memories are going to flash before you on a regular basis.  Use the memory of it all to reflect in a way that continually pushes you to grow, improve, and shine. The alternative just isn’t worth it.

As you reflect on your Mile Markers, may you ever increase your ability to be better, not bitter. 

Mile Marker Moments…even the horrifically painful ones…can make you better.

It’s a choice.

We have a lot of miles ahead of us.  As we continue our journey, I pray that we will slowly and steadily improve in our ability to be better prepared for the new Mile Markers that we will soon encounter and never forget.

Love ya.  If I can assist you through life in a way that helps you get closer to Jesus, just ask and I’ll do my best.

Trent

May 9, 2012    |       4 comments

HYDRATE — WINNING FROM THE INSIDE 27 (Mt. 6:14-15) “Forgive”

“For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6:14-15

Is God forgiveness conditional? According to Jesus, Yes, forgiveness is not something you receive just because Jesus died on the cross to pay for your sins. This is a tough teaching. Jesus’ death on the cross ended God’s anger towards mankind for sin and satisfied God’s character trait of Justice. (Thank God that He is also Mercy.) Jesus’ death doesn’t automatically grant us forgiveness. We have to go to Jesus, then through Jesus and be made new in Jesus. We have to accept Jesus as Lord of our life. We have to receive His blood. This is where forgiveness is received as the free gift that it is.

But…

What if, I have done all those things…is it still possible to not receive Jesus’ forgiveness? I will ask you to answer that question yourself after you read a few passages of Scripture. Here are some passages to help us answer this question.

Matthew 18:23-35 (NLT)
Parable of the Unforgiving Debtor
21 Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone* who sins against me? Seven times?”
22 “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!*
23 “Therefore, the Kingdom of Heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him. 24 In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars.* 25 He couldn’t pay, so his master ordered that he be sold—along with his wife, his children, and everything he owned—to pay the debt.
26 “But the man fell down before his master and begged him, ‘Please, be patient with me, and I will pay it all.’ 27 Then his master was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt.
28 “But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars.* He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment.
29 “His fellow servant fell down before him and begged for a little more time. ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it,’ he pleaded. 30 But his creditor wouldn’t wait. He had the man arrested and put in prison until the debt could be paid in full.
31 “When some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset. They went to the king and told him everything that had happened. 32 Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. 33 Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ 34 Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt.
35 “That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters* from your heart.”

Question: Did the servant receive forgiveness? The answer is yes. Did the servant have his forgiveness revoked? The answer is yes. Why did the servant, after receiving the status of forgiven, return to the status of unforgiven? The answer is, because the forgiven servant refused to forgive someone else.

Matthew 6:14-15 (NLT)
Jesus said, “14 “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. 15 But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

Those two passages give me clear proof that if I refuse to forgive anyone, then God will not forgive me. It’s unimaginable to me that anyone would beg for forgiveness from God and at the same time refuse forgiveness to others who have sinned against us.

Our forgiveness is tied in directly with our willingness to forgive those who have sinned against us. Anybody I have spoken with about this agrees, until they have personally been hurt. Its easy to tell others that they need to forgive. Its not so easy to do it ourselves. So maybe the next few thoughts will help all of us understand why un-forgiveness is like a nasty disease and the quicker we forgive, the healthier we will be personally.

Un-forgiveness not only hurts ourselves but also the person who hurt us. In most cases when someone sins against us and hurts us deeply, the person who hurt us doesn’t sit around thinking about us. The person who hurt us, more likely than not, is not waking up every morning thinking about us. People who cause deep pain, usually do so because they have a tendency to think selfishly. If this is the case, and the person who hurt us is not thinking about us, but we are frequently thinking about the person who hurt us, then we are actually hurting ourselves. Pain makes us think about who, what, why and when we are hurt. Its very time consuming.

With un-forgiveness in our heart, we are consumed by the one who hurt us. I’ve heard it said that thinking about the person who hurt you is like letting that person live in your heart rent free. Again…they are not thinking about us much at all. We are dwelling on them and how they hurt us. It begins to fester. Its all consuming. We find ourselves lashing out at others. Why? Because of un-forgiveness. Un-forgiveness means we don’t heal. Without healing, there is still pain. Pain makes us focus. If we have un-forgiveness towards a person who hurt us then we will focus on the person and the pain. Focus is commitment. We become what we are committed to. If we are committed to feeling the pain and not giving forgiveness then we will become people of pain and un-forgiveness. You will become a person of hurt. Hurt people, hurt other people, or as I like to say, “hurt people, hurt people.

I know we do not want to be hurt people that go about hurting other people. The temptation is to think that the anger we feel inside is good. The temptation is to enjoy the anger feeling we have inside. Sometimes it can make us rage internally and sometimes outwardly. Watch enough Hollywood movies and you will actually begin to believe that the rage and anger you feel is empowering. You will think it feels good and makes you powerful. It makes us think we are strong. It will tempt you to seek revenge and you will begin to believe your revenge is justified. Do you see how dangerous this is? Compare it to man who is taking steroids. He is injecting a chemical inside his body that makes him bulk up and look good. His muscles grow and he becomes an impressive specimen. However, he is poisoning his body. That same steroid that made us all think this person is extremely healthy actually causes him to die. Sterilization, bouts of rage and emotions that are out of control, are all side effects of steroids. But the user thought it was all good. This is what un-forgiveness does to us. Its slowly kills us from the inside or causes us to physically lash out and have sinful reactions.

Mother Theresa said it best, “Un-forgiveness is like you drinking poison and hoping it kills the person who hurt you.”

So what must we do to rid ourselves of un-forgiveness? We have to give forgiveness. Now, in full transparency, I have never felt like forgiving someone who has hurt me. If we are waiting on the feeling to come around, it won’t. Forgiveness is an act of discipline. Forgiveness is an act of sheer holy will. Forgiveness is a choice to be healthy. Forgiveness is one of the most difficult decisions we can make.

I hope the following thoughts will help us give forgiveness to the one(s) who have hurt us. First of all we are dying a slow death if we don’t forgive. It will rot us. Think about this. Just because we forgive someone doesn’t mean they just get off without any consequences. A murderer who is about to receive a lethal injection for his crime can be forgiven by the family of the loved one he murdered. But he still receives the lethal injection. If a family member wounded me deeply, I can forgive the person, and I will be smarter in my dealings with this person from now on. I will create boundaries. If a woman has been abused by a family member, she can forgive that family member, and from that point forward not spend any more time with her abuser. To forgive someone doesn’t mean that we have to be in each others company in the future. If we have been hurt by someone, forgive them and then create boundaries. Don’t forget that God is a god of Restoration. He deeply desires us to be in healed and holy relationships. God desires for you to forgive and restore, but God also understands that if one of the parties doesn’t honor the new boundaries set, then God doesn’t expect us to stay around abusive and unholy behavior. Especially if the person who is abusive and displaying unholy behavior calls themselves a Christian. Be smart with this. Don’t trust your feelings on this issue. Trust God’s Word and common sense. We may need to seek some trustworthy counsel from holy friends or seek a good Christian counselor to advise us on these life altering issues.

The critical factor in all this is to triple check our motives as to why we are creating boundaries as we give forgiveness and work on whatever this restored relationship is going to look like. If we are creating boundaries to control and hurt the person back, then we truly haven’t given the person forgiveness and we now are having sinful reactions towards the person who hurt us. How? All control, judgement and praise belong to God only. If we ever do anything for the purpose of control, praise or judgement then we are taking the role of God. If we do this, even if we won’t say it, our actions are screaming, “I am God!” As we create boundaries for the person who hurt us, we must carefully guard that we aren’t actually having sinful reactions of control and judgement.

Forgiveness ultimately frees us from the prison we have been trapped in. If we are trapped in a prison of forgiveness then we must recognize that we hold the keys to our freedom in our own hands. The keys that unlock our jail cell of un-forgiveness are in our hands. The key is forgiveness. Forgiveness allows us to let the person who hurt us go. By doing this they can no longer live in our hearts rent free. We unlock ourselves from the prison we have been in. A popular “churchy” phrase is “let go-and let God.” When we forgive we release this person into the hands of God and trust that God will do what is right to and for that person. If we try to control the situation because we believe that God will be too kind to the person, then we actually believe that God will make a mistake and that we can do a better job of making this person face the consequences they deserve. Again, if we do this, we actually act as if we are God. We think we can do a better job than God. How dangerous is that?

If what I have written above still is not helping us grant forgiveness to the people who have hurt us, then here is my last desperate attempt.

I am going to write this as if I am talking directly with you.

Have you ever hurt someone?
Do you agree that what you did to hurt that person was a sin?
Did Jesus die to pay for your sin?
Did Jesus die to pay for the sins of the person who hurt you?
As I personally answer the four questions above…The answer is yes to all.

Forgive.

How.
Write a letter.
Send a text.
Facebook Message.
Skype.
Phone call.
Personal visit.

We cannot control how the person will respond when we tell them we are forgiving them. They may not even know that they hurt you. They may get angry, lash out, try to hurt more. Don’t worry about or try to control how they respond. Remember forgiveness is for us to be free. Give forgiveness. Live free.

Don’t forget 1 John 1:9(NLT) I would recommend that we all memorize it. “If we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.”

Forgive.
Be Forgiven!
Its the good life.

Nov 30, 2011    |       28 comments

When life throws you a nasty curve ball…


When was the last time you went for it and all you had to say when it was over was, “Ouch…that’s not what I had in mind.” Did you notice that I didn’t ask IF it has ever happened? Its happened to every one of us. The picture above is a perfect representation on what I’m stating here. Just minutes before the moment this picture was taken, this player stepped out of the dugout. He envisioned hitting the ball. Let’s just say he envisioned stepping up and hitting a simple base hit to bring in the winning run to end the game. As you can tell by the picture, he ended his at bat with, “Ouch, that’s not what I had in mind.” He ended the game lying on the ground groaning and in the world’s eyes, a loser. And this happens to every one of us. Every one. Some of you might try to argue with me and push back and say that some people just seem to have a silver spoon in their mouth all their lives and everything just seems to go there way. I would like to believe that, but I know, without a single doubt, that is just not the case. Some seem to just be lucky…but really…all the time? Some just always land on their feet all the time, right? The answer again is no. That’s not the case. That seems to only work with cats. They always land on their feet. I grew up on the farm and actually tested if cats always land on their feet. I have done a “clinical trial” on this and its not a myth! LOL. Sorry…back to point.

Here’s the deal. NOBODY! Is the answer to the question of, “Who does life always go well for?”

The wisest man in the world was Solomon of the Old Testament. In the early part of Solomon’s reign as King, he lived such a pleasing life to God that God told Solomon He would give him anything he asked for. What would you ask for? That is the only time in the Bible where we see God playing a role that we’ve all wished would happen to us. The Genie in a bottle wish!!! But this is not a blue Genie…this is God. What a moment for Solomon. I don’t know what you would ask for, but Solomon asked for Wisdom to lead the people that God put him in charge of. What a humble and wise choice. God granted it and was so pleased with Solomon’s request He went ahead and gave him riches and long life to go with it! I tell this story to illustrate that even such a pleasing and wise man like Solomon had a rough life ahead of him. The Old Testament is loaded with stories where things started going really bad for Solomon. Life has bad moments for EVERYBODY.

Why am I writing about this right now? Simply because I have had the most “hellashish” year of my life of the 41 years so far. You know what is really scary? There is never a guarantee that it will get better. I’m not writing this desiring to seek your sympathy. Writing is how I vent. I hope that by writing this, some of you might actually be encouraged by my venting. Sick isn’t it? Some people, in their effort to make you feel better when things are going bad for you, will throw out the cliche of, “hang in there…it always gets better.” or “When God gives you lemons, make lemonade.” or they share the Bible verse Romans 8:28, “And God causes everything to work for good.” or 1 Corinthians 10:13, “God won’t give you more than you can handle.” If you are like me, you just want to say to them, thanks, but shut up!” Okay…maybe I’m the only one that wants to say that. I’ll try to only speak for myself. But really…there is a time for those phrases to be thought of, brought up, spoken and studied. But none of them help on the spot or make you feel better when you’ve just been hit in the nuts by a curve ball from life itself. If you are women reading this, I’m not sure what body part is comparable to the pain I refer to for men when we get hit “there.” I think I can speak for all men by asking you ladies to let us know. Don’t play around with us on this one. We really mean it when we say it hurts. I’m not sure you have anything comparable.

Today I got a call that rocked my world…yep…I feel like the picture above. Hence the “hint” of cynicism in this blog post. The call didn’t go the way I planned. The call didn’t go the way I prepared. Maybe it hurts so bad because I literally felt “clarity” from God as to what His will was. So I committed. I went all in. I stepped up to the plate and intended to hit a grand slam. I was so confident that I put all my eggs in one basket. Then came the call. Weird…I had a gut feeling the call was coming today. It did. But when the call was over, my wife left the room because she knew I was going to weep. And I did. The eggs, all in one basket, were mine and this curve ball hit me right in the eggs! When I hung up, all I could do was bend over and cry.

It sucks. I’m writing this blog now, exactly 8 hours after the call that knocked the wind out of me. Its kind of strange. I’m okay. I think this past year and the curve balls that have been thrown at me and I swung and missed….swung and missed…but the ball kept hitting me. Over and over…it has actually toughened me up. I am better from it all. I am wiser. I am smarter. I am more experienced. I am more mature. I am more aware. I am less naive. I am a bit hardened. The hits seem to hurt less and less. I am a bit more sly. I will not let it make me bitter! I actually have landed on my feet!

You see, I am convinced that the world’s perspective says that I failed because the phone call didn’t go my way. I failed because I struck out. I failed because my plans didn’t go the way I dreamed they would. So, the world says that everybody fails. But here is the deal. God does work everything out for good. God does turn things that were intended to harm and He uses them for good. You can make lemonade from lemons. Those phrases have a lot of truth. I still wish people would time the speaking of the phrases with more common sense.

I suppose all of this is about attitude. My identity is not founded in my daily circumstances. The phone call that didn’t go the way I dreamed it would does not define me. That person who betrayed you and you never saw it coming, does not define who you are. Day after day and year after year, the struggles you face do not define you. You are not lucky or unlucky. You are living life. I am living life. And life is daily.

God never intended it all…life…to go this way.

There is some real depth in what Jesus says in Matthew 5 verse 1 and following.

Blessed are the poor.
Blessed are those who mourn.
Blessed are the humble.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for justice.
Blessed are the merciful.
Blessed are the pure.
Blessed are the peacemakers.
Blessed are the persecuted.

Verse 12 says…Be happy about those things.

I say…WHAT? Are you out of your mind God?! Happy about the curve ball that landed where I never dreamed it would? Are you crazy!?

This year has been a year of getting hit…over and over. Yet, above, I just listed a lot of positive traits that have been formed in me. The reality is this. They would not have formed in me had I not gone through some very trying and hard circumstances.

Back to the Bible list above. If I don’t need God then I think I have it all and thus am not POOR. But I recognize that I deeply need God. I am so poor in so many ways without him. In life, poor is rarely about money. I am simply not able without God. The world would see that as poor. God says I am blessed because I know I am poor and need Him. The list says, MOURN. How could I mourn if I didn’t have bad things happen to me or go through tough times? Dreams broken, relationships fractured, plans destroyed. God never intended for the world to be like this. God planned a perfect world. I recognize this now with more clarity than ever. I long for the Heaven that God describes because it will be like God planned in the Garden when He first created it all. Because I know that life will never be perfect until Jesus comes back…it causes me to mourn the loss of what was supposed to be. “Blessed are those who mourn.”
HUMBLE. How could I ever be humble if I have never been humbled. Humility doesn’t come when things always go well. Humility is formed through pain and brokenness. No…the ones that should worry are the ones who are so proud and confident in themselves that they are never humble. Blessed are the humble. HUNGER & THIRST FOR JUSTICE How could you ever desire justice if nothing ever went wrong? MERCIFULOnly those who have been through hardship and experienced pain can have true mercy for others going through what they have experienced. PURE Purity comes through fire. Think of diamonds, gold, sharpening swords. The purity they contain comes from heat, grinding and friction.

You get the point?

Why do bad things happen to good people? That’s such a dumb question! With the fallen world we live in…the real question is…How does anything good ever happen?

So…when we feel like the guy in the picture. The only thing we can do is crawl to God grasping our groin and trying to catch our breath. I want to ask why the bad happened…but it never helps. All I can do is cling to God who loves me. All I can do is think about the good that I have in my life. Dwell on those things that are beautiful. Think about the things that make me smile. Focus on the joy that is around me if I look for it.

Go ahead….Throw me another curve ball. I will never stop swinging. No matter what.

I am blessed.
You are too!
Keep stepping up to the plate and dreaming that you’re gonna connect. The odds are that you will sooner or later connect.
What is your other option?
Trent